


“dinosaur chicken nuggets” and other stories from the ua universe

by eastcoastthrilla



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Dinosaur Chicken Nuggets, Mostly Wholesome, Short Stories, i’m really bad at tagging whoops, little adventures, little scenes that i wish would’ve happened, the hargreeves children are a mess and i love them for it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 04:59:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18161765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eastcoastthrilla/pseuds/eastcoastthrilla
Summary: “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in this family with functioning brain cells. And I’m dead!”





	1. dinosaur chicken nuggets

**Author's Note:**

> i miss them, so i decided to write about them

“He hung up on me! Why would he just hang up on me?”

“Maybe because you’re an idiot.”

“Ouch. Words hurt, Benny.”

“Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in this family with functioning brain cells. And I’m dead!”

“Why do you think they’re taking so long anyway?”

“Why do you need dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets?”

“Because… Because…”

“See!”

“Oh shut up, Ben!”

Klaus was pacing now. He needed dinosaur chicken nuggets.

“Damn, this whole sober thing is seriously starting to get to me.”

“Don’t you even think about it.”

*****

“Where the hell are we supposed to find dinosaur chicken nuggets? Seriously, is he three?”

“I dunno, why is Klaus anything? We could go on for hours, but right now, all I can think about is getting back to The Academy. God I need a drink.”

A lady passing by the two of them gave a concerned look when she heard Five’s last comment.

“Why are people looking at us so weird, get a life, lady.”

“Diego, you’re carrying a concerning amount of knives on your person, and I’m wearing a school uniform and proclaiming that I need a drink. What did you expect?”

“You’ve got a point.”

“Of course I’ve got a point.”

Diego shot him a warning glare, but Five only plastered on his best I’m but an innocent child smile. Surprisingly, it’s quite easy to forget he’s a 58 year old ex-assassin. 

After about a half an hour of searching and then Diego finally giving in and asking for help, they find out that the store, unsurprisingly, does not carry dinosaur chicken nuggets. They leave with only a bag of some weird specially sourced coffee beans and a Kit Kat bar. 

*****

“I told you, Klaus, the store didn’t have your stupid chicken nuggets, what more do you want me to do!?”

Diego was pretty pissed at this point. Not too fortunate for poor old Klaus, but still, he pressed on. As mentioned before, he needed those nuggets ASAP.

“Go to a different store! Anything!”

“I’m not going all the way across town to a different store just because you need specifically shaped chicken nuggets!”

Klaus was about to shout his response back at Diego when Ben materialized between the two of  
them. He was getting a lot better at that. 

“Guys, guys! Shut up!”

The two of them silenced. Five sat in the corner and watched, mug in hand, sipping silently. 

“Diego, you’re always the aggressor. You’re always the one to start the screaming match, even over chicken nuggets. And you know that Klaus is going through it. Recovery is difficult, everybody copes in different ways. Maybe the man just wants his nuggets.”

“Yeah Diego, I just want my nuggets-”

“It’s not just Diego that’s the problem, Klaus. You know that the nuggets are going to taste the same no matter what. And it’s not like you’ve had a thing for dinosaurs up until now. And honestly, how can you expect Diego of all people to go out of his way to get you nuggets. The only person who might do that is Vanya. And that’s still a maybe. Maybe, you should just learn to drive.” 

Five took an exceptionally loud sip of his coffee and Ben spun around.

“Five, you’re no angel, either.”

The room was silent for a second before Ben spoke again.  
“You’re welcome.”

Klaus let out a huff. “For what?”

“Being the glue that holds this family together.” And with that, he was gone.

Five grinned. “You two look like idiots.” He followed it with another sip from his mug.

At least he got his coffee.


	2. she’s kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And thus began the classic Hargreeves shouting competition, this time, it featured Klaus vs. the rest of The Academy.”

“You’re probably wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today.”

Vanya was very correct. Her siblings were more worried than curious, but still. 

“Come on, Vanya, you know you can talk to us.” Allison was careful with her words. Vanya took a deep breath. 

“I’ve met somebody, and-”

Vanya’s audience of six all began to shout out their protests in unison. 

1 “If we have to go through the apocalypse again, I swear-”

2 “Have you checked to make sure he’s not a psychopath?”

6 “Please tell me you’re joking-”

3 “Vanya, are you sure dating would be the best for you after the last incident?”

4 “Going for round two, are we?”

5 “Well this has got to be the most anticlimactic family meeting we’ve ever had.”

“Guys!”

After a few more seconds of Vanya shouting, the group quieted down. 

“I promise you they’re nothing like L… Harold… And she’s so honest and she’s so kind and I just…” 

This might be the quietest The Umbrella Academy has ever been while occupying the same room. Klaus broke said silence in the most joyful tone any of them had previously heard. 

“I’m sorry, she?”

Vanya just nodded, much to her family’s dismay. Details would’ve been much appreciated. 

“Since when have you been gay?” Allison gave a smack to Luther’s arm.

“I dunno… I guess it’s just been… repressed? I’m not sure.”

Allison smiled. The last thing she wanted to do was make Vanya scared to talk her. To the whole family.

“Well I, for one, am happy that you decided to tell us. What’s her name?”

“Riley… her name is Riley.”

“And she’s not going to try and make you go all crazy and start the apocalypse?” The funniest part was that Diego actually sounded concerned.

“No, I promise. I haven’t even told her about you guys. Just that I come from a pretty… interesting family.”

“Well,” Ben chimed in, “It’s not like any of us are going to be upset with you. We do tolerate Klaus, and trust me, that’s not because of his sexuality.”

“Hey! I’m a joy to be around.”

And thus began the classic Hargreeves shouting competition, this time, it featured Klaus vs. the rest of The Academy. Vanya smiled. 

What on Earth made her think that coming out would change anything?


End file.
